Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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