i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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