Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
