After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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