is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
