dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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