whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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