out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
