You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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