i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
