if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
