Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You're a waste of cheezeits
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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