the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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