R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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