Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
