my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
