Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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