I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
