if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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