the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
