Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
