either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
