Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
