Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sorry my hands just texted you
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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