my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
