I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
