dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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