I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
