i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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