How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
