They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
