I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
