How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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