I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
