Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we made out on top of his cat.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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