I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
