okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
