god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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