i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
