can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
