Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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