I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
