The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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