Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
