the condom got lost in my hair
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
