Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
a search helicopter?!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
