if you like me you must not know who I am
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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