i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
