I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
