I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
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A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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