I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
