Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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