This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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