omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
