I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's blow job season.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
