woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
