I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
