I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
