So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
