Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
