I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
