he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
