piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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