i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
