Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can't turn off my feet"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
