Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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