He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
