Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize