nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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