But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
