So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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