what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
