yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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