Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
